you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
