i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
