What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
