Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
