Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
