i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
