I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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