I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
