Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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