i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
