just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
