I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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