so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize