I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
