ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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