I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
