the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
