I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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