dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
