so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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