: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
