Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize