is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
