He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
