Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
