Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
