if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize