Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
