i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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