i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
