Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
