I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
