I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
