The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
