Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize