I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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