Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
