Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
