Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
