brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
