Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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