the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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