Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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