Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
