I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
