Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
