we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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