I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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