We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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