you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
