She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
