Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
