Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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