i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
where am i from again
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
