Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize