The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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