She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
