who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
