First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
home. puking in laundry basket.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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