Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
