i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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