if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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