Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
