____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
