so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
