I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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