I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize