I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need water and some morals
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
