my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Shame is for Republicans.
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