Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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