i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
