I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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