you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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