So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
