I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
