i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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