i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
