$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize