I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
