Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
