yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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