How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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