I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
