i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
