forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
