wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
