Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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