a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
