At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
