our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didn't notice because vodka
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
